Funny Jokes

[Cool_Dude]

Here is one of my Favorite

A young couple wanted to
  join the church, the pastor told them,"We have a special requirement for new
  member couples".
 
  "You must abstain for one whole
  month." The couple agreed, but after three weeks they returned to
  the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was
  crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.
 
  "You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the
  pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not
  manage to abstain for the required month." the young man replied sadly.
  The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week
  was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The
  second week was terrible,but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
  However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading
  from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.
 
 
  "One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and
  dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I
  just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud,
  passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both
  drenched in sweat." admitted the man, shamefacedly. The pastor lowered
  his head and said sternly, "You understand this means you will not be welcome
  in our church." "We know." said the young man, hanging his head,
  "We're not welcome at Home Depot either."

[nitin]

Really cooooool one ....Here is mine one..

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
> seemed to put everyone in a
> good mood as he served us food and drinks.
>
> As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
> told us that
> "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the
big
> scary plane shortly,
> so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be
> super."
>
> On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
rather
> Arabic looking woman hadn't
> moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute
engines
> but I asked you to raise
> your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
>
> She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
> Princess and I take orders from no one."
>
> To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a
beat,
> "Well, sweet- cheeks,
> in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch.

        

[Cute16]

Nice topic...my quote

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it
to you."


The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other, then
calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out
of the ice cream store. "Hey son! May I ask you a question? Why did you
take the quarters instead of the dollar?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar,
the game's over!"


Moral: When you think the other is dumb, you are making a fool of
yourself.

[chaudary]

HAHAHHAHAHAHA 

Let me share mine one..

One day, while one Engineer(it wasnt me ) was working,

his computer tumbled off the table and fell in the river.

Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe),

he started praying to the River Goddess.



The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one

month of rigorous prayers.

The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.



As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty.

She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?"

Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."



She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was

his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"



Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.




The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."




The River Goddess was happy with his honesty.

She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer,

the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to

show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"




The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey!

The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium,

the latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!




Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends,

it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think

you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Cool_Dude]

Great guys, keep on sharing good one...

here is another one and I like it very much

Chinese walks into a bar in Americalate one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says. "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chineses who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same." replied Spielberg. In return the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship, not me". The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

[nitin]

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing
happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided
to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the
little boy a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little
boy.


The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a
thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed
that for some reason you sent it through Washington , DC , and those
assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.